Mammograms

First I must give you a warning I will be using the "N" word . . . no, not that word. I went for my annual mammogram yesterday and it has to do with that. So if you are easily offended, stop reading now and go on to another blog or story. For those of you that have not had the pleasure of your first mammogram here are two funnies to set the mood. First is a description of how to get yourself ready for your first mammogram.

Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

And now for a cartoon.

Okay, the mood is set, so back to my story. Like I said, yesterday I went for my annual mammogram. Up until this year I have always done mine at school with the mobile unit. It was always convenient and easy to remember since the office would post reminders in the work room and send email reminders. It was always a little strange doing it at school, but you do what you have to do. Since I retired that was not an option this year, so in March I called the Harrington Cancer Center to make an appointment. They called to remind me on Wednesday and said to come in early to fill out the paper work. Yesterday morning I got up early and got there in plenty of time. I was surprised at how busy the Center was at 9:30 in the morning, but they worked like a fine tuned machine. I filled out the paper work and was ushered back to an exam area. I took off the top portion of my clothes and locked them in a locker. As I was waiting, I thought it was so odd that several women were sitting around chatting while half naked with our lovely hospital capes covering us, but opened to the front. You definitely had to be still or all your "goodies" would be hanging out. Finally it was my time to go into the exam room for the procedure. The technician explained what she would be doing and that she needed to put nipple markers on each nipple. I told her, "No problem." and watched her stick them on. I really didn't know what they were for but thought it was more to protect the nipple from the radiation, but actually they are to help in positioning of the breast for a proper mammogram. You can read more here if you want. The technician was actually very good and it didn't hurt near as bad as some mammograms have been in the past. I love it when they crank the two platens down on your breast and then give it a couple more hand cranks for good measure and then say, "Don't move." I actually told the lady yesterday, "Like I could move!" Anyway, she did two x-rays of both breasts and we were all done. I went back to my locker got my clothes changed and was on my way. I really don't even remember what I did yesterday afternoon, but we did run some errands. We went to bed kind of early for us as we had to get the dogs to the groomer by 8:00. So this morning when the alarm went off I hit the ground running, but all day I kept thinking, "My nipples feel really weird today." But as usual, just kept on going. I went to yoga, then came home and got right started on changing the bed linens and doing the laundry. But several times I kept thinking, "Something doesn't feel right." Finally, early this evening as I brushed across one of my breasts, I again, thought, "That feels so weird." And then it dawned on me! I still had the nipple markers on! I lifted up my shirt and sure enough, there they were. I couldn't believe I forgot to take them off and even more unbelievable, I didn't even notice until about 36 hours later. I guess it's true . . .I'm as blonde as I pay to be. Here is a photo of my now removed nipple markers, at least their cute. I think I'll keep them.